It is 2:30am. I am wide awake. Technically, tomorrow I leave for school. Tomorrow.
My brain’s logic says I should feel anxious. And in some ways I suppose I am. I am worried that my new friend/classmate will judge my driving skills and music choices. I am nervous that the clothes I pack for my week at school won’t be comfortable enough, and cute enough, or cool (temperature wise, it’s gonna be humid) enough, or fancy enough or casual enough. My biggest anxiety is alway being ‘enough’.
With all that being said- I am not anxious about orientation and my first week of classes. I’m not anxious about meeting my classmates and trying to impress my instructors. I’m just not anxious. It’s an unusual feeling for me. I think that is how you know something is right. When everything that could possibly cause anxiety is there; new people, pressure to succeed, being away from home and my husband, the possibility of very public failure; and yet I feel totally at peace. I am so ready for this.
I will wear a flower crown. No matter how long it takes.
So what could possibly have me wide awake at 2:30am?
The Medium Iced Mocha with toasted almond and coconut flavor shots, cream only, that I forgot to order decaf this afternoon.
At least it is providing me with some quiet time to put my thoughts down in writing.